In June, I mentioned I was taking a break for the summer — a break from words, a pause in the rhythm of drafting, editing, and rewriting. I thought, perhaps naively, that absence might spark inspiration. That I’d return with fresh scenes and unexpected ideas tumbling out of me, and new wings as my character had promised.
What I Found Instead
But that’s not what happened. The break didn’t hand me inspiration tied up neatly with a bow. Instead, it gave me something less romantic but more essential: motivation. The pause made me realise this story matters to me, even on the days writing this book feels slow, messy, and endless.
I’m learning once more that writing isn’t always a rush of brilliance. It’s more often the steady returning to a project, a recommitment. And for me, this long-in-the-making novel feels a little like coming home to myself every time I sit down to work on it.
Facing the Noise
As I wrote in a recent newsletter, when I returned to rework the manuscript’s final chapters, I heard my inner critic — whose voice I know well — begin to shout. It was so loud that I had to put the manuscript aside and address it first. That self-doubt is part of my process, the salt in the stew, that not only adds flavour but keeps me grounded and humble. Perhaps, I need it just as much as I need the words themselves.
This book has become, in many ways, my most joyful and painful artwork to date. Through writing it, I’ve experienced both pain and healing—sometimes in the same sentence. And yet, even with the hard days, the quiet and slow progress or the messy rewrites, it still feels like home. Maybe because it’s the place where I’m most fully myself.
More Than “Practice”
Writers are often told their first novel is just a “practice novel”. It’s something to learn on, but not to keep. I’ve never been able to accept this advice. While this book has given me invaluable lessons in the craft of novel writing, for me, this isn’t just practice. It’s a story that has insisted on being told, year after year. It’s the one that won’t leave me alone, and I most want to finish writing and let it grow its own wings. Because it feels like the story carries something essential, more so for me than anyone else.
Listening Past Doubt
That’s why the words I saw painted on a Lisbon wall, “Listen to your soul”, stayed with me. Because in the middle of doubt and noise, that’s what this novel keeps asking me to do. And maybe it’s what writing itself asks of all of us: to trust the story that won’t let us go, the one that leads us back to ourselves.
I’m learning to listen more closely to what my soul is saying beneath the noise of doubt. I’m also here to remind you that your story matters, because the truths that press on us to be told—the ones that refuse to leave us—are never “just practice.” They are the very stories that lead us home.
What about you? Amidst the world’s clamour, scepticism, and the ego’s defences, what are you truly listening to this season? Care to share a moment when you listened past your inner critic and found your way back home to yourself?
PS. In Lisbon, the views are breathtaking. Yet, the old, steep, and cobbled lanes will also leave you breathless. It’s street art that feels, to me, like the very soul of this city. Just look at that feature image! 🙂
What an enlightened and enlightening human you are. That the break sparked motivation—well, that simply heartwarming. Listen to your soul, sistah. Your audience awaits. Blessing you, Khaya, my friend.
Hi Selma, thank you so much for dropping by. I appreciate your kind comment and support. Hugs back at you, my friend!
In many ways, your writing journey, and response to it, feels deeply familiar to me. A chill bump connection, found in your words. ✨ Thank you so much for sharing this beautifully written essay, Khaya. An honor to read your posts and comments. 🙏🏻
Indeed, we encounter fellow writers along the writing path and experience these exceptional connections! I’m glad our paths crossed, Michele. It’s a pleasure to be writing with you, and thank you for the encouraging words.
This post needs to be read by all creatives! You have articulated an on-going (he)artistic struggle – what one wants to work on, needs to work on and then which Project demands to be worked on!Your break illuminated the wisdom in leaning into those ‘demands’. To be heard. To be birthed. In my case? To follow through even when there seems to be no way through!
I await your Novel’s entrance into this world with much anticipation. 🙂
Many thanks, Laura. The he)artistic struggle is real, and that’s why I’m always grateful for this blogging community. I deeply appreciate both the support I receive here and the feeling of not being alone. Yes, I live in hope too that one day this novel will enter this world and live its own life.
“The story that leads us back to ourselves” really struck me, my story I’m writing is a coming of age. Small successes, painful mistakes, working on the connective tissue for the stories right now.
The writing process means different things to different people, from a simple task to a complex journey. Only now do I realize that the stories we write can sometimes lead us on a journey to self-discovery. About your work-in-progress, the coming-of-age story, I look forward to reading it someday. All the best, Rebecca!
Thanks, Khaya. I am still analyzing all the changes it wrought in me and evolving through the creative process. I will shout it from the rooftops when I’m finished!
<3
First of all, YES! This means it’s coming to fruition, and I cannot wait to read it.
To answer your question, I’m learning to let go of the need to know what comes next. I’m practicing living in flow.
I appreciate your comment, Kathy. You know how far this story has come, and still becoming; thank you!
They say, flow is the secret to happiness. You might have just found the fountain… 🙂
Sounds like just what you need. Sometimes, we need the break to see things clearly again, to feel things fully again. Motivation is crucial; it is the engine under productivity. I CANNOT WAIT to read what you are writing.
The beauty of a pause, my friend. And you are one of the people who make me excited about my own work. I appreciate your support, Christina. Thank you. <3
❤️❤️❤️
Those hearts mean a lot to me, Natalie. Thank you! <3
I should take your advice and listen to my soul, Khaya, but I’m in a little bit of a stuck place. I’ll get there eventually, but it’s hard to let go of some things that are important to me, but no longer work for me. Does that make sense?
And I agree with you that the first book doesn’t have to be a practice book. It just takes careful, determined, open-minded work to get it where it needs to be. The inner critic is part of the process as long as she doesn’t stall progress. Happy Writing!
It makes perfect sense, Diana. And I hope you get there in your own time. I appreciate your encouraging words too. I’ll remember these words when the inner critic gets in the way. Much appreciated, my friend!xx