A Poem on Loss: I Don’t Know How To Do Grief, Anymore

life and growth

One of my fingers got cut off
and it hurts, hurts real bad.

How do I stop the pain so dizzying
no amount of painkillers can help?

I’m not asking how and where to find the lost part
but what to do with this stabbing pain?

For some people are not meant to die
until they’ve finished their stories.

It hurts, hurts real bad that
one of my fingers got cut off.

note: On Thursday, I lost one of my closest friends (I count them in one hand), and I didn’t see this coming. Because I’ve been wrapped up in my own struggles. As a result, life is pain, right now. I have to pause and pay attention to what I’m supposed to learn from this experience. This means I’m taking a short/long break from the blogs and other social media platforms. Keep well!

Khaya Ronkainen
Khaya Ronkainen is a writer, poet and blogger. Her blog focuses on poetry and creative nonfiction, and also features poets and their books.

20 Comments

  1. So sorry to hear about your loss. It is worst when one is unable to say goodbye on the spot.

    I will keep up following your blog, and meeting you live to hear the story of your friendship.

  2. I’m so sorry for your loss. Hope the time away gives you the space you need to grief, heal, restore

  3. I feel your pain and sorrow, and send peace and strength. Grieve and heal at your own pace, and take comfort in that others care. We will be here when you return.

  4. Khaya, I am so sorry. Sometimes the pain is too great to bear and yet, somehow, we do. Rest and heal. We will all be here on your return.

  5. Khaya, I include a link to the website of a woman named Rosemerry whose beautiful teenage son committed suicide in the fall. (Though your friend’s death likely has nothing to do with suicide, the suddenness and the grief you will likely relate to.) She writes very amazing poems as she journeys through her grief. Perhaps they will resonate with you. She often inspires, and leaves me in awe of the journey she is making. https://ahundredfallingveils.com/2022/02/06/the-teacher-i-never-could-have-wished-for/

  6. I am so sorry for your loss! I lost a friend about two and a half years ago in a very sudden way that I didn’t see coming (suicide) and it was so difficult. I feel for you, and thinking of you during this difficult time. I hope that in time, you’ll find peace and comfort. ❤️

  7. My deepest condolences, Khaya. I am so very sorry for your pain. Loss is a pain bringer, indeed. I hope your friend’s soul is in peace.

  8. Khaya, I’m sorry to hear about this loss. Please know you can reach out to me if need be. Sending you lots of love and light, right now <3

  9. I am sorry for your loss💔 It is said that time will heal, so take it easy now. Breath. One day everything will be better, even if you miss a piece of your life.

  10. *fierce hugs from Philadelphia* I’m coming up on one year of being in the same boat. I too have a small friend circle to begin with, and the health of someone very dear to me took a sharp turn for the worst last March and passed away. A wise friend told me then that grief like this doesn’t go away, but we learn to make room for it and understand how to carry it. I found this website helpful too: https://whatsyourgrief.com/

    If you need someone to talk to, I am here.

Do leave a trace!

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